From Novel to Mediocrity

Okay, I am not the kind of person who loves dissing everything pop. I am about to spew a whole heap of hate in a bit, so get ready.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, like its ancestors Twilight and New Moon, is just awful. I mean, I liked it much better than its predecessors – not that I liked the Twilight series at all, nor am I in denial or something – but still, it does not transcend the boundary between great and whatever zone it is on. Let me tell you why.

First, why do they keep creating films out of books? I am happy to admit that Stephenie Meyer’s Eclipse is pretty great, and that I actually liked it, because it is. Filming plotlines from novels sucks out the essence of those stories since a) it is cut; b) most people have actually read the novel; and c) it is overthought.

Directors usually developed huge hypes about these types of films. Most of these movies actually came from very prominent books, usually NYT bestsellers, and thus people absorb the hype since they actually know about them. So the distributors and the producers, in this case Summit Entertainment, earn tons. Usually films like this are crappy, but then look at Lord of the Rings. Don’t lose hope, people!

Anyway, I loved Eclipse as a novel, but the entire story just doesn’t fit in a two-hour flick. The characters’ roles were not developed very effectively. Where was Jacob’s and Bella’s love and nostalgia? Where was the Cullen clan’s fury and desperation? Where was the story behind the newer characters? Well, I felt confusion instead of nostalgia and anger instead of fury. It’s like I’m drinking a cup of coffee with 3 spoons of sugar, but I have a really sweet tooth and I want more. I need more.

The actors do not even exemplify the production. Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella, improved but still not exceptional. She still stammers so much it’s almost unbelievable and annoying. Taylor Lautner, playing the werewolf Jacob, is still mediocre and unrealistic. Yet, I have a feeling that he serves his purpose in the film quite efficiently (he strolls around half of Eclipse’s running time without a shirt). Robert Pattinson, who plays the super pale vamp Edward, is good, yet not great. Well, I have seen him play roles impressively in other films, but not in this one – not in this series.

"Don't they just love it when we do this?"

The scenery in the film exudes beauty, as always, but as coined by Roger Ebert, the view “look suspiciously like landscapes painted by that guy on TV who shows you how to paint stuff like that.” It was unrealistic to say the least, and worse, it gives the film a duller vibe. I think Eclipse is about passionate and intense drama instead of blandness and darkness. The film does not only fail to deliver the right mood, it creates an entirely different mood that mostly only attracts goths and teenage girls. No offense to goths or teenage girls, but that is definitely not a good thing.

Do I even have to say it? Okay, do not buy the DVD. I repeat, do not buy the DVD. Your TV will suffer some major pneumonia and your player will acquire a virus unknown to men that will make it cough out its intestines in the form of wires. Well, maybe not, but seriously, Eclipse is not worth the watch.

You know what… whatever! You’re gonna get the DVD anyway.

So guys, are you team Jacob or Edward? I mean, did you like Eclipse? Tell me below.

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